YOU.

I gave you my heart, but that wasn't enough. I know your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me, that you can survive without me. You are Superman after all right? But whatever this is, this needs to stop. We may both have our reasons why we have each other but none of them excuses it, none of them is right. This is want I want so badly, to be in a loving relationship where I can fall asleep in the arms of someone I love and wake up with them the same morning and not waking up at the middle of the day or night going home. And I don't think so i will ever find this person while we continue this. I am putting this in writing to finally able to confirm that this is not something I want. After this, you may not want to see me anymore but I want until this day, i want to let you know, that I love you, that i would always choose you, that I love you with all that you are, with all that you have been and wiith all that you're ought to be. I love you damn too much. You and your memory haunts me everyday.

I don't hate you, I am just hurt because you haven't even tried.  I don't hate you, I am just disappointed that I am still not enough, that everything I have done is still far from right, that all the times I was there when you have no one is senseless. That even my belief that you can still be a better man and you have a good heart is something that you don't even believe yourself.  I am stupid for letting you walk all over me and never complained once. I am stupid for always running back to you and accepted you if you ran back to me. I hope she's good in dealing with all your bullshit's because your nothing but it. You made me begin to learn  that Kisses, don't always mean something, promises are as easily broken are as they are made.

 I don't hate you because you don't care, It just feel awful how you go by days letting me feel bad and your comfortable with it because your used to it. You'll wait until I forgot I felt bad then come back like nothing happened.

I should have walked away years back, but you know how to stop me from leaving even without saying a word. I don't hate you for breaking my trust, I am just sad because i can't trust you anymore. I don't know what else do you need from me. I have given you more than I could offer, you have taken more than you deserve. Of everything that's left with me, i will still love you with all these little pieces, that's something that I can't take away. I thought I can go by this because I love you, but I guess that's the same reason why I can't anymore Superman. I am so tired of picking up all your pieces, pulling you back together when youre scattered like shit. I can't be your Superman too, because I also need someone to Save me from you. My life went 180 degrees turn when I met you. I don't even know what's normal anymore. You made me depend on you. You took all the good things i felt for myself and made me a lesser person.

I knew what I am to you-and I accepted that. We never talked about it because we are both afraid of confrontation. You don't like the feeling of being cornered. You don't like to be asked, you don't like the feeling to be confronted. I am smart enough to not pressure you with questions nor demanded anything, I took what you could give and valued it. See, superman, with all these years I tried a lot of times, but I don't have the courage and the strength to stay away from you. I guess we just met years too late. I put up with the stolen moments, weekends and holidays alone. I never complained because I chose to still be with you. Sometimes i have prayed that you would come to your senses and leave me alone. I am incapable of pushing you away everytime you come back, you know why? because i want you here with me more than i ever wanted anything. but when i do get to see you, it is never enough.

I should have told you I was hurting-i knew where my place was, but I thought I can settle with that. But I just fooled myself. I let you back in, literally. i never thought it would be easy but I never imagined it to be this hard. 

i have always amazed myself how tough i have become because of you, I am now looking a new chapter in my life wiithout you and your baggage.

 Sometimes all that you can do is wait for it to feel better, wait for a bad day to be over, wait for things to work themselves out. Sometimes you have done all that you can possibly do, and then you just have to wait. I guess in this world kamots, no matter we like it or not, no matter how much we care, some are meant to be friends, or even destined to be back to stranger after. I hope that one day, you will become some memory of my life. it will me years to rebuild myself and a lifetime of loving someone I cannot have. And maybe putting this on writing and putting it out here will somehow keep me accountable to this declaration of hope.

Eventually, I'll stop caring. 

Eventually, it stops being the most important thing in my life.

I know it will take awhile, but eventually I'll find the good in this goodbye.

I miss you today, just like i did yesterday, just like i would tomorrow. And I miss you already.

I had to go my way and you had to go yours but it doesn't mean i love you less. I am not giving up, I am simply doing what's best for me and that's not being a part of your life anymore no matter how I wanted myself to be.

Maybe I'm over you, May be I have moved on, maybe i found someone better. Or maybe I am just a damn good LIAR.

It's funny how I always find myself wanting to run back to you, for some reason thinking it would work our differently this time..
Maybe you will always  be that one person, no matter how long it's been or how badly they've treated you. if they say I love you, you will say it back.
 Because I love you without knowing How, or When or Why. 
I love you Without Complications nor Pride.
I love you, because there's no other way.

I love you, it's as simple as that..

But Maybe Love is really not enough, when it's not Love that at stake. I want to remember you  as the only thing that made sense to me and not the person who stole everything from me, even myself.

I want to remember you good. That's at least what I can do. Though until this day, my belief that you could put Life around and be a Better Man is still overwhelming, the man we you always wanted to be because that's what you really are. And When that time comes, I would be very proud of you, even if I am not there anymore to see you..

I want to be free Kamots, I want to be free from YOU. I don't wanna be sired anymore to you. You can do better without me. I can be so much without you. Let me Go and Give me back my Life.

PS. 

I didn't change, I just stopped living LIFE your way.

Goodbye Superman..Goodbye Kamots.

This is for the better..I will be better.